“Time is that quality of nature which keeps events from happening all atonce. Lately it doesn’t seem to be working.”

“Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better.”

“When love is gone, there’s always justice. And when justice is gone, there’s always force. And when force is gone, there’s always Mom. Hi, Mom!”

“Liberals are very broadminded: they are always willing to give careful consideration to both sides of the same side.”

“To err is dysfunctional, to forgive co-dependent.”

“Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.”

“As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.”

“It is always the best policy to speak the truth–unless, of course, youare an exceptionally good liar.”

“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”

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