(Best ones are at the end:)

“Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.”

“Blame someone else and get on with your life.”

“Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?”

“I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife’s brother.”

“Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time.”

“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”

“Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.”

“Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates… When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, “Do I know you?”

“Never eat more than you can lift.”

“In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known.”

“This isn’t right. This isn’t even wrong.”

“I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I’ve ever known.”

“Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what’s right.”

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”

“If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a

conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to

the prevailing standard of nonconformity.”

“I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the

death, your right to say it.”

“Anything too stupid to be said is sung.”

“The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.”

“Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought

for those people who can’t remember where they leave things.”

“Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will

happen to you the rest of the day.”

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I

approved of it.”

“I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.”

“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she

served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never

been found.”

Comments are closed.